My Eyes Are Shut, I Cannot Sleep

Oh man, kittens.  Has it been a long time.

Way back in 2008 (AKA when The Blog was in its infancy), I had a terrible case of insomnia that carried through most of the summer and into October of my senior year.  It was atrocious enough that I created a category to commemorate my plight and wrote a little post about it.  What made it all the more painful was that by the time I was finally a month into Not Sleeping, I was so anxious and worked up about the prospect of bedtime and Not Sleeping that it was just impossible to get to the point of closing my eyes.  There was finally a day where I turned myself in at the doctor’s office with no hope of sleep in sight and they said, It will go away soon enough, and finally it did and life was bright and shiny and new again.

I was so thankful and I knew there would be a time where I would look back on those hellish months and think, Well, that was sort of awful but it’s over now.  And since the Olympics were in Beijing that summer, At least I got to watch all of the events live.

In the past year, I have had the best sleep of my life. We are talking Sleep For 10 Hours On The Weekends-style sleep.  And yet over the past few months, I have become increasingly sleep disrupted.  Waking up a few times during the night.  Logging the odd-four hours of sleep night.  Waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and finding myself completely awake.

I try to stay away from my phone when this happens because even though the urge to scroll through Twitter and catch-up on the news is strong, I don’t want the light from the screen to give my body (or my circadian rhythm) any false impressions about what time it is or what we’re actually supposed to be doing.

This week, my body has pulled out all of the stops. I have consistently found myself awake between midnight and 2:00 AM and I Am Wide Awake For Several Hours.  I roll over, add and subtract blankets, count back from 1000, count up to 1000 and yet I cannot sleep.

All of this is to say that I am exhausted right now.  As I was telling Marcus tonight, I don’t even have the energy to deal with myself.  I so hope this cycle breaks soon, but who knows what tonight may bring.


2 responses to “My Eyes Are Shut, I Cannot Sleep

  1. As someone who suffers from chronic insomnia and who has for the majority of my life – I hate this for you.

    I consistently function on 4-5 hours of sleep & they are precious for me. I’m not sure what you are doing to help mitigate the problem but the following things help me – meditation before bed (I resisted this for a long time. I kick myself), a cup of sleepytime tea (mainly for the ritual & to signal it’s time to sleep), a prescription for topamax that is to help control my atypical migraines but has an off-label use as a sleep aid (I don’t wake up when I take it. I don’t even move in the bed), & melatonin.

    There are other things but I honestly think the meditation is the biggest help for me.

    Hope you get back to normal soon!

  2. Oh Sweets. I’m joining Jen in the “have been an insomniac since puberty hit” club, so have a few tricks up my sleeve myself. Unfortunately? None working lately and the fatigue got so bad that I went to my GP to see if maybe, just maybe, there were other things at play (thyroid? iron? some random tropical malady?). Came out with labs that make my blood cells look like rockstars but no answers and no new panacea to try.

    So, my wish for you and for me is that we have sound, lovely, uninterrupted, restful and rejuvenating sleep soon. Because there’s not enough eye concealer in the world…

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