Pushing Through

Last week’s long run was atrocious, obviously.

So naturally I spent the entire week fixating on it and trying to reason out how I would manage to survive 18 this week and then, you know, go two miles farther.

Because I now live in a world where this sort of garden-variety nonsense is COMPLETELY NORMAL.

Since obviously feelings of failure breed…more anxiety, Marcus will be the first to tell you that I was a mess on Friday night.

I kid you not when I say that I curled up in a ball on the bed, and attempted to physically bury myself in training plans before we went out on our date.

I just wanted to clear things up in case you were questioning whether or not I was clinging to any remaining shreds of dignity.

The correct answer would be: There are no shreds of dignity left to cling to.

Once he managed to herd me out of the house, instead of engaging in epic amounts of self-sabotage (which is a failed tactic I’ve turned to before), I behaved.  I drank two beers, ate a “smart” dinner that also happened to be delicious and was in bed by 10 PM.

I woke up when my alarm clock decided to action the extremely cryptic buzzing-crescendoing ring arrangement that it’s so fond of, followed The Routine and did it.

My stomach did not fight me, my abs did not fail me.

I practiced getting ferklempt at a completely inappropriate moment during the race where I could end up courting an asthma attack instead of a PR.

It happens more than I would care to admit.

I ate at appropriate times.  I tried to remember to drink before I got thirsty.

When I made it to mile 16, I remembered to smile because I wasn’t in pain.

Yes, seriously.

That might sound totally psychotic, but I very strongly feel that the ability to embrace gratitude and joy while you’re running has a direct and immediate impact on the way that your run goes.

And even though I gave myself permission to stop at 18 miles, I pushed through.

I thought about how a year and a half ago, I was so desperately hoping that I would be able to survive a 5k in 35:00 without walking.  In the rain.  Wearing shoes that I bought solely because they were on sale, in sports bras that had seen more high school cheerleading practices and summers at camp than trails.

Now when I see that I have about 35:00 to go, I am less than 10 miles away from completing a marathon.

I am in a better stronger place.

As of last Saturday, that place I’m in is only 6.2 miles away.

How do you get yourself back up on the horse?

9 responses to “Pushing Through

  1. What a motivating post! I can’t wait to train for my itty bitty 5k tomorrow morning. I will think of you crossing the finish line when I am at my 35 minutes without walking.
    Love you.

  2. Great job, Kat! I totally get what you mean about psyching yourself out. I tend to do that a lot, too. (Seriously, I think we are soul sisters!) The only thing that helps me is just to do it and not give myself much time to fret about it. Keep on running, lady!

  3. Bookmarking this one. Love love love times a million!!!!!! Love.

  4. Wow, you are a rockstar. Simply put and oh-so true.

    I’m still fighting my battle with said bulge, and discouragingly enough – even though I’m on Weight Watchers, I’ve only lost two pounds – in four weeks. And this is following their rules and using only my daily allotted number of points a day (31) – not touching the weekly points or my activity points….

    Apparently I don’t need a horse to get back on – I need a herd.

    I would love to get back into running, and took a short jog yesterday but with such terrible back issues, it’s a bit of al ost cause. But I’ll stick to my cardio blast DVD’s and 3.5 mile high intensity elliptical sessions and weights for now.
    Pray for me – and CHEER FOR YOU!!! YAY!!!

  5. I think running is…at LEAST 75% mental. To be able to overcome a bad long run is daunting, especially trying to beat the anxiety that builds leading to the next one! The fact that you could do that is great (I still get anxious for long runs, even when I had a good one the week before) and shows you totally have what it takes. Twin Cities will be AMAZING!! I’ll think of you while I’m running 🙂

  6. I’m so impressed with your ability and commitment I can hardly stand it. You have no idea how many people are going to lose their minds cheering for you when you cross that finish line. I’m proud to be one of them. Go get ’em, Tiger!!

  7. You are an inspiration! There is so much to be said for just pushing through and it really is an act of bravery.

  8. Damn girl, you got it going on. That’s all I can say. I am pleased to report I did actually go shlogging at 0730 PST this morning…a record for earliest commencement of physical activity ever…and all because of you 🙂

  9. Pingback: An Early Taper | Tenaciously Yours,

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