Daily Archives: 06.16.2011

When the Best Man Really Isn’t…

For our latest round of festive fun, we have Kirsten from over at Comfortably Domestic.  Why I can’t get enough of this lady: we share a parallel (the 45th!), she embraces the Trenta-based lifestyle and she Uses Butter.  Which is to say that on most issues We Concur.

I practically howled when she sent me this, so I hope you’re tickled by it too!


Photo courtesy of here.

Weddings are a time of great joy. Being invited to witness a couple commit themselves to a lifetime together is a great honor. The emotional current at a wedding is almost palpable. And rightly so…to put it simply, weddings are a pretty big deal.

After the rush of nerves, excitement, and joy of the ceremony has subsided en route to the reception, folks are ready to kick back and celebrate the Newlyweds. The reception is time to enjoy a great meal with family and friends, and toast the happy couple.  The Best Man’s job at the reception is to say nice things about the Bride & Groom, and wish them well in their new life together. If you are lucky, he will do a good job, and perhaps provide a little comic relief in the process. All in good fun, eh?

However, sometimes the toast isn’t so full of well wishes as it is full of jabs and barbs at the Bride & Groom’s expense.  As a spectator, you may start nervously laughing at the Best Man speech, really hoping that he can pull it off and turn his speech into something salvageable.

We’ve all been there. The Best Man starts talking, and everyone in the room wishes more than anything that he would stop.

Sometimes the Best Man really isn’t.  Sometimes the Best Man Speech turns into a train wreck—you want to look away, but you just can’t stop yourself from watching.

Being that Kat and I share many parallels, I know that she can appreciate the humor of That Situation.  So in honor of Kat & Marcus…

The Top 5 Worst Things That I’ve Ever Heard a Best Man Say at a Wedding

  1. There was the one at our wedding. Our Best Man was a Best Man of many, many weddings. He was famous for his funny David Letterman-esque “Top 10 Reasons Why It Is a Good Thing (bride’s name) and (groom’s name) Are Getting Married” toasts. We figured he was a safe bet. However, at our wedding he began with #10. “I admit to being disappointed when you started dating, because that meant that she would never go out with me.” Huh? Then he gracefully moved on to #9, in which he described a fictional, ethnically labeled, one-legged prostitute that was glad for our wedding because then she could retire.  That one managed to offend everyone in the room. Can you say WTF? He drew the line. And then he plunged rapidly beneath it—turns out that those were the “tame” lines.  My grandmother went up to him afterward and said that even though she was an old lady, she could still punch him in the nose.  That statement from my sweet grandmother was the equivalent to her swearing like a sailor.
  2. The one where the Best Man started his speech with “When I found out Bob was marrying Lisa, I couldn’t believe it. I said that the only Lisa that I knew had hips as wide as this! (stretches arms out wide) Then I found out that it WAS that Lisa!”
  3. Let’s not forget the one where the Best Man was the Bride’s brother. His speech began with “I hope you have better luck getting along with her than I did. That chick is a handful!”
  4. Or the one where the Best Man was the groom’s brother, and spent his entire speech telling us about how much his little brother was never as good as he was, but always wanted to be. He then proceeded to drone on for 20 minutes about his own accomplishments, and never once mentioned the bride.  The entire room kept waiting for the punch line that never came.
  5. Perhaps my favorite was the one where the Best Man starts by saying “I still can’t believe that my brother is marrying a chick that he met while she was a Hooters Girl. Oh well. At least she wasn’t a stripper. (Looks at bride) You were never a stripper, were you?”

What is the worst thing that you’ve ever heard a Best Man say in his speech?