Operation: Trenta

I preface this by saying that I rarely go out for coffee.  I love brewing a pot and sitting in our sunny kitchen, either catching up on blogs, or trying to address my ongoing battle against the pile of magazines that threaten to overtake me at any minute.

So in February, I decided that I wanted to try the Starbucks Trenta.  If you’ve been living blissfully unawares, the Trenta is a 31 ounce caffeinated behemoth (it only comes in iced coffee or iced tea) meant to spread enlightenment and energy to The Masses.

Since there are some paths that no one should walk alone, I managed to rope Kirsten and Megan into doing it with me.

Insanity loves company.

Starbucks tried to thwart us, because while allegedly the Trenta would be available nationwide on May 3rd, it apparently is not available in Northern markets.

Tricky.

But not to be deterred, we were hell-bent on drinking a Trenta of something.

Mere mortals might have called it a day, but no.  Two Grandes and an extra ounce of coffee later, I was on the warpath.

At which point the barista subjected me to an interrogation as to whether or not I wanted my coffee sweetened.  Truly, the only conversation topic that could have been more complex at that particular moment in time is the Middle East Peace Process.  But, after a bit of a debate, we managed to come to the conclusion that since I was [technically] ordering two coffees, we could sweeten one and leave the other.

They say that variety is the spice of life, no?

I decided to try to down the unsweetened coffee first since I thought that the sweetener might mask some of the watered-down flavor of the second coffee.  Not that drinking 32 ounces of coffee requires some sort of epic strategy.

But it might.

About 1 1/2 hours in, I finished the first one while I watched NBC’s Mint Julep-laden coverage of the Kentucky Derby.  This was a feat in and of itself in the sense that I probably only drink 12 ounces of coffee a day to begin with.

But the Trenta isn’t about moderation.  It’s about going big or going to the bathroom.

And as I picked up my second coffee, I had the dreadful realization that the coffee and I were basically going to be soulmate-ing until the finish.  By soulmate-ing, I mean that I was committing to being That Girl who carries her coffee shop cup with her everywhere.

Little did I know that the finish line would be 3 1/2 hours later in the middle of meeting the new baby.

Yes, this means that all signs point to me planning on finishing a marathon faster than I’m able to consume 32 ounces of coffee without becoming violently ill.

By the time that I put the second cup in the bin, I was  walking circus.  In writing terms, I was 100% stream of consciousness.  Which was all right and good, I guess.  I say this with the full knowledge that I couldn’t hold a conversation for more than two minutes at a time because EVERYTHING WAS JUST SO INTERESTING.

Her hair.  That wallpaper.  Is that a crumb on his shirt?  Our waiter’s glasses.  I didn’t know they made focaccia here.  Why are we all drinking water out of tiny cups?

Our world is an endlessly fascinating place, kittens.

The biggest surprise of the day?  When I hit the wall at 11 PM, I slept like an absolute rock.  Go figure.

Do they sell the Trenta where you live?

Are you a coffee drinker?  How much coffee do you drink on a daily basis?

In all seriousness, total jankiness aside, the fun-sized coffee pot I had from my freshman year of college was absolutely perfect for me because Marcus doesn’t drink coffee and I can’t drink a ton of it.

P.S. If you didn’t click on their names earlier in the post, click here to read Kirsten and Megan’s experiences doing battle against the Trenta!

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15 responses to “Operation: Trenta

  1. Pingback: Trenta or Bust! « Comfortably Domestic

  2. The Trent is like the Big Gulp but more classy, because it’s coffee. But just by a little.

  3. I have never heard of Trenta, but I’m not sure if I would want to drink 31 ounces of coffee. I limit myself to 1 sometimes to cups of coffee a day. I’m also trying to cut coffee out completely and go with tea, but that has been harder than I thought it would be.

  4. I maintain that this was the best worst idea, EVER! But next time we find something so abhorrently gluttonous and insane – we’re doing another one of these posts. So much fun!! Not to mention – Hilarious!

  5. Haha! I don’t know if I could drink that much caffeine. I tried to get an iced coffee last week and they said they didn’t make them decaf, so I got an Americano (I feel like a douche just typing that) and it was definitely not decaf! Three shots of espresso… ugh!

  6. I drink coffee daily, but I must admit I’m a bit intimidated to drink a trenta!

  7. I take solace in the fact that it took all of us around 4 hours to down the Trenta equivalents. Ingesting that much caffeine certainly did make the world a bit more interesting. Perhaps we can oust Man vs. Food in favor of Bloggeress’ vs. the World?

  8. That is ridiculous! I love your sense of humor about it. I could probably handle the liquid but the caffeine? I’d be bouncing off the walls.

  9. I have heard of this mythological sounding beverage, but I have yet to see it. Although if I got it, I would get mine with passion ice tea. I wish I liked coffee, but it’s not my thing.

  10. Nope. Nu-uh. Nada. Niet.
    Couldn’t do it. I’d die of a stroke or be awake for 8 days.
    On the flip side, I might be willing to try a 31-oz. margarita, but I’d be asleep for 8 days! I admire your tenacity and your team spirit, though. And that you could laugh about it afterwards instead of feeling compelled to clean everything you own. heeheehee

  11. I’m a huge coffee drinker! I probably drink 2 cups per day.

  12. Um, this quote? I snorted. “Yes, this means that all signs point to me planning on finishing a marathon faster than I’m able to consume 32 ounces of coffee without becoming violently ill.”

    I didn’t think the trenta had made it here, but as I am trying to lower the caffeine intake these days, I don’t see it in my future. But I look forward to the vicarious thrill when you do 🙂

  13. I love this. They sell Trenta here at some Starbucks, but I haven’t seen it anywhere yet. I’m an iced coffee fanatic. I’m pretty obsessed.

  14. I’m not a coffee drinker – never have been – and I can’t imagine ever drinking that much! What an intense experience!

  15. Pingback: Friday Food Round-Up! | Tenaciously Yours,

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