The Truth About Registering

Working Title: How to Break Kat’s Spirit in an Afternoon

While I can’t say that I’ve had my dream wedding planned since I was just a girl, I can definitely say that for the last few years, I’ve had a dream registry.

So I’ll be the first to admit that after Marcus popped the question, I had visions of Le Creuset Dutch Ovens dancing in my head.

Totally normal stuff.  You know.

To phrase it gently, today, my dreams did not Manifest themselves a la The Secret.

You can imagine my surprise when I was forced to recite the use/purpose of every item I wanted to register for in the style of a European Classroom before Marcus would point the registry gun at it.

The food processor?  Is to make really expensive bread crumbs.  Okay?

For clarity’s sake, this happened 87 times at Crate & Barrel alone.

Erica, bless her heart, texted me to see how the process was going.  My response?  This is hell on earth.

But, not to be deterred from a somewhat less-than-successful first experience, we went over to Macy’s to address the issues of bedding, towels, silver and crystal.

And I pasted on my biggest pageant-girl smile when the woman from the registry department beamed at us and said, “You are registering for your dreams.”

Right.  Dreams.

I would like the record to show that Marcus and I, we really gave it our all out there on the sales floor.

But I lost it.

So there I was, standing in the middle of the cake cutters and commemorative champagne flutes, sobbing black, lash-stiletto-laden tears.

And when I mean sobbing, I don’t mean pretty-crying.  I mean ugly, blotchy, break-down crying.

I was a hot mess.

At which point I told Marcus that I didn’t care if he went to Target by himself to register and that he could ask for every Nerf gun in the toy aisle if that was what he really wanted.

Consider yourselves warned.

What’s the most ridiculous place you’ve dissolved into a puddle of tears?


23 responses to “The Truth About Registering

  1. Well done on the break down! Now that you’ve got that out of the way, the next five months should be a breeze!


  2. hahaha I lol’ed throughout this post.
    Then I read it aloud to Jonathan.
    Then Jonathan said, “Thank you Marcus.”
    I replied, “Why are you thanking Marcus?!”
    To which he replied, “I would have never thought to ask you the purpose of the items before.”
    To which I furrowed my brow and growled.

    I hope I am not a hot mess when that day comes, but let’s be real…I will probably stomp my feet and wail.

  3. Oh, sweetie, I FEEL YOU! Registering is so overwhelming. I broke down in Target for our wedding and twice in Babies R Us when we were registering for Wee ‘Burb.

    Do it online. You think it’s all romantic and stuff to go and touch everything and use the gun. Do it online.

    True story: we were at William Sonoma.

    Annoying Sales Associate: allow me to show you the store
    Me: We’ve been here. I live here. We’re good.
    Scott: Can you show us anything new?
    Annoying Sales Associate [seeing Scott coming a MILE away]: check out these pineapple corers. It slices and cores.
    Me: we don’t eat a lot of…
    Scott: SOLD! What else? [hits the gun]
    Annoying Sales Associate: Well there are these thongs, see. They only open when you turn them around. They’re magnetic. No more getting stuck in your holders, they stay closed until you WANT them open.
    Me: We don’t need….
    Scott: SOLD!

    Yeahhh….babe, in my kitchen, I have a pineapple corer and slicer that has NEVERRRRR been used. And those thongs? Every party EVER, someone has to ask for the manual to the thongs.

    I got my revenge in the form of a porcelain cow creamer that my dad says “pukes out cream.” Hell yeah it does!

    Chin up!

  4. Would you like me to bring you chocolate or wine? I helped Stolper register because she said Mike couldn’t take anymore of Crate and Barrel. If you need any help, I’m there! I can’t wait to see your registry 🙂

  5. Oh no! I’m so sorry it was dreadful!
    Bedding is a pain to pick out, and completely overwhelming.
    We did most of ours on-line. We didn’t get to see or touch absolutely everything, but we had a good idea.
    I hope it gets better. Best of luck :]

  6. Oh no! You have me nervous for when Matt and I get around to doing our registry!

  7. I dissolve into tears in many inappropriate places, so to pick one would be just too difficult! As for registering, hell on earth is a perfect description! Ross had to DRAG me to each store and then lecture me on being nicer to the sales people because I was a TOTAL bitch. At least it’s over…right?

  8. p.s. I did have a TOTAL breakdown at the airport coming from our Vegas wedding back to Mpls due to the fact that they put me on standby. I cussed out every airline employee and SOBBED at the gate until someone else gave up their seats for us…and until Ross’s mom forced a Xanax (or 2) down my throat.

  9. Awww! I always thought registering looked fun… I guess I was wrong!

  10. I have a feeling that a similar experience is coming my way. My solution is to take Adam to one store on a “fake registering” trip, then he’ll be out for the count and I’ll take Erica instead….I already told her to be prepared

  11. Oh man, I am not looking forward to the registering process!! Good luck with the rest of it!

  12. Aww, poor thing! I had fun registering, but we’d already been living together and had most of what we needed.

  13. I AM SOOOOO WITH YOU on the registering thing! W thought it was hilarious to register for an ear noes eyebrown trimmer not realizing that people would think it was for me since they would most likely be getting it for us at my shower! There’s just so much stuff-and not stuff you need but want, and everyone says “nows the time to get everything you’ll never pay for yourself” Wedding planning is def not all that its cracked up to be-i’d say the guest list is our biggest nightmare!

  14. Oh no! Sorry girly! Most ridiculous breakdown? Hm, good question. Probably just here in the house overdue with Kaia when Jersey peed in the house. I lost it and then some!

  15. Sorry registering didn’t go well. I have no plans of marriage in my future, but when I do think of weddings, I think of registering for all the things you want, but might not buy for yourself.
    I cried at work yesterday. That’s the worst for me. I don’t like people seeing me vulnerable.

  16. Oh no! Sorry it wasn’t fun, it always looks like it would be really fun.

  17. Poor you! Why would he imagine every gift needs a function??

  18. I told M about this, to which he replied: “I want to register at REI.”

    Uh oh.

  19. Spring Break. Daytona. Around 2000. Broke down like a baby. She met me down there, and within 2 days, flew another guy down to see her without saying a word about it.

    Bawled like a baby. It was the first time and the last time. 🙂

  20. Sorry you had such a bad experience! When we registered we did try to go for the useful items, but at the same time you can register for a few things you “just want to have”…And let Marcus register for a few fun things too!

  21. And by the way, I think I take the cake for worst public bawl-fest of all time: in a packed subway car after a Yankees game, as my boyfriend at the time was breaking up with me. Yes, he went there.

  22. Jay and I got really burnt out on the registering, too. It’s absoltuely exhausting to pick WHICH plates go with WHICH servingwear, and can we really expect people to buy us $40/place setting dishes? Which silverware goes with the dishware, and how many bath towels do we need? Don’t feel bad – it’s just part of the process. Your weded bliss of husband and wife will begin soon!!

  23. Pingback: Not Expecting | Tenaciously Yours,

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