How did I observe the holiday of Festivus?
I participated in the Feats of Strength against my ironing board after ironing a patch onto my leggings. The ironing board refused to close, and so after several calls home and lots of re-positioning of the board, lifting of the legs, jimmying and such, I won. And by I won, I mean the board still didn’t close. Despite my careful following of instructions from mes parents, in which I applied pressure to the legs of the board. This resulted in an ironing board that wouldn’t close with mangled legs. A trip to the dumpster ensued.
In regards to the Festivus Miracles, I looked at the insides of my wrists and realized, predictably (as that is the spirit of these miracles) that my wrists are 95% healed. What a special day. EDIT: If you haven’t been following along this whole time, the reason my wrists are healing is because I have an incredible allergy to nickel. Feel free to read about The Scarlet Bracelet.
So, you wonder, what will Mismas look like at the house on the hill this year?
It will involve large amounts of meat and alcohol. For one thing I know to be true is that Dad has laid in a lifetime’s supply of alcohol for the occasion. Not because my parents are wild drinkers (they have drinks, but that’s about it), but to ensure that any and all libations of choice will be available. That being said, there is a noticable absence of O’Douls in the garage refrigerator, which Dad has been known to drink merely because of it’s crisp and refreshing taste. The only time I ever drank O’Douls was after I had been on antibiotics and the like for 20 straight days and whilst at the cabin, honestly just craved the taste of beer. It was definitely a moment where my life had hit rock bottom. We also have four pounds of meat to fondue…for six of us. Though we may get snowed in tomorrow, I don’t worry about starving. EVER.
It will also involve a kitty that has more Christmas spirit than any other creature on the planet. Not only does Spot adore the Christmas tree (he uses it as a toothbrush) and the tree skirt (it is so fun to hide beneath), he also is deeply passionate about the wrapping and unwrapping of gifts. He already visited me in the basement once this afternoon while I was wrapping to put his own personal feline touch on some gifts.
My Christmas wish for you all is that you are able to spend a day without hearing strains of the insipid song, Christmas Shoes.