In memoriam, Kirsten: An American Girl

Today, I heard news that will leave a little hole in all of our hearts.  American Girl is discontinuing Kristen.  Upon hearing the news, the following e-mail conversation ensued between me and my girlfriends.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Merlot: American Girl Kirsten to be Discontinued Mourning starts now.

Cab Sauv: no joke, this is why i bought her birthday party dress and her winter sweater set last time i was at the mall of america store in august. i had a breakdown. a bunch of 8 year olds gave me a look and went back to playing with their stupid new dolls. i still need to buy a few more things too.

White Zin: kirsten and i shared the same birthday, we were both blonde and scandinavian, and we both lived in MN.  she was my doll soulmate.  but i liked felicity’s clothing better, so i always asked for those outfits.  i just got a holiday party idea from kirsten’s wardrobe: you know we’ll have to have a santa lucia ceremony at the holiday party.  anyone else know the song?  i only know the chorus.

Cab Sauv: i am more than willing to learn…i’d even dress up for it.  i know i’ve sang the chorus with you while drunk before. there’s a facebook picture to prove it.

Merlot: I’m down with adding another celebration to our partay.  I am also willing to learn the song.  Crap…does that mean we need one of those bread things?  I remember reading about it in her book and seeing the shriveled up turd that American Girl sold for like $20 that was supposed to “be” the bread.

Riesling: what the hell is going on in this email chain?
something about jewels, american girl dolls, and a song?
very confused 

i loved molly…does that make me a pauper?

Cab Sauv: there’s one in every crowd that liked molly…
Riesling: god damnit, now i’m karen?!? 

fuck you guys

Merlot: I had Samantha. But I had every single book for every single girl through Addy. Memories.
Riesling: i also had samantha and school desks for both of them.  i just found the molly stories to be the most fun!
can we all agree that felicity blew ass?  i’m going to take that as a yes
Cab Sauv: riesling. how dare you speak against felicity… 

that girl had class AND style…
you should respect the red hair and freckles
Merlot: I was jealous of Felicity because she had her horse, Penney.  Never mind the fact that the horse was fictional.  Oh, and then for the longest time (because this was like…second grade) I thought her foal’s name, Patriot was pronounced “Pie-trot.”  Srsly.
Riesling: hahahahah pietrot   love it
Cab Sauv: no joke, i’d buy at least 4 more if i had you know, $1000 to spend on dolls and clothes at 25 years old. pie-trot, the savior of the colonial rebels

One response to “In memoriam, Kirsten: An American Girl

  1. Pingback: Carbon Copy | Tenaciously Yours,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s