Monthly Archives: December 2009

Besides the incredible amount of snow we’ve been totally buried in blessed with…

I think that this is one of the loveliest Christmases I remember.  On Christmas Eve, Marcus’ father David joined us for dinner and for the first time ever, we managed to sit through a fondue without it sounding like an episode of The Jerry Springer Show (Fondue for whatever reason raises the level of stress in our family immensely.).

As you already know from my previous post, Billy Regretsy-ed me.  And amongst other wonderful gifts, Mom and Dad gave me a lovely set of blue Le Creuset baking dishes, which are a totally perfect addition to my kitchen, given my love of brightly-colored stoneware.

We did end up making it over to my aunt and uncle’s house for Christmas.  Even though this involved driving over giant chunks of ice to get onto the freeway and then as we drove towards the south metro, through giant puddles from melted snow.  It was a party.  And my car is definitely going to be due for a wash once the snow stops (which at this point, it still has not).  I made Reuben Dip for the first time, which was delicious.  There was lots of drinking of wine, eating of snacks (we don’t do a sit-down dinner with the extended family…people just graze) opening of presents and singing of carols. 

And then, to end the night right, Marcus and I sojourned to Cooper Pub to meet up with some friends who had just finished seeing a movie.  I probably didn’t need to have another drink, but given that Marcus and I shirked on our Chinese Food Eating-Movie Going duties, it only seemed right.

As I aired my grievances with you all last night for Festivus, I feel it’s important to share with you how I observed the remainder of holiday.

I participated in the Feats of Strength against my ironing board after ironing a patch onto my leggings.  The ironing board refused to close, and so after several calls home and lots of re-positioning of the board, lifting of the legs, jimmying and such, I won.  And by I won, I mean the board still didn’t close.  Despite my careful following of instructions from mes parents, in which I applied pressure to the legs of the board.  This resulted in an ironing board that wouldn’t close with mangled legs.  A trip to the dumpster ensued.

In regards to the Festivus Miracles, I looked at the insides of my wrists and realized, predictably (as that is the spirit of these miracles) that my wrists are 95% healed.  What a special day.  EDIT: If you haven’t been following along this whole time, the reason my wrists are healing is because I have an incredible allergy to nickel.  Feel free to read about The Scarlet Bracelet.

So, you wonder, what will Mismas look like at the house on the hill this year?

It will involve large amounts of meat and alcohol.  For one thing I know to be true is that Dad has laid in a lifetime’s supply of alcohol for the occasion.  Not because my parents are wild drinkers (they have drinks, but that’s about it), but to ensure that any and all libations of choice will be available.  That being said, there is a noticable absence of O’Douls in the garage refrigerator, which Dad has been known to drink merely because of it’s crisp and refreshing taste.  The only time I ever drank O’Douls was after I had been on antibiotics and the like for 20 straight days and whilst at the cabin, honestly just craved the taste of beer.  It was definitely a moment where my life had hit rock bottom.  We also have four pounds of meat to fondue…for six of us.  Though we may get snowed in tomorrow, I don’t worry about starving.  EVER.

It will also involve a kitty that has more Christmas spirit than any other creature on the planet.  Not only does Spot adore the Christmas tree (he uses it as a toothbrush) and the tree skirt (it is so fun to hide beneath), he also is deeply passionate about the wrapping and unwrapping of gifts.  He already visited me in the basement once this afternoon while I was wrapping to put his own personal feline touch on some gifts.

My Christmas wish for you all is that you are able to spend a day without hearing strains of the insipid song, Christmas Shoes.

In honor of Festivus, I feel it is only right to participate in the airing of grievances.  So be prepared for some spectacular bitching that I usually try to keep off the blog.  And if you want to air your grievances as well in order to observe the holiday, feel free to leave a comment with some of your faves.

Ann Taylor…You market $38 leggings and yet you haven’t managed to ensure that the seat of the pants isn’t see-through.  Definitely the biggest disappointment of my December.  I will continue to give my monies to EXPRESS with their discotheque (or in layman’s terms…Rave)-style even though every time I walk into the store I am harangued by stressed-out women wearing really bizarre combinations of your merchandise.

RIM…The past few days you have made my idyllic suburban life hell.  Without internet or e-mail on my BlackBerry, I have, just like the commerical says, a phone with paperweight mode.  Or something that belongs on the Island of Misfit Toys along with AT&T’s 3G network.

Faux-Preps…Faux-Preps are like new money.  They’re so into being preppy, they have to share their preppiness with the world.  By talking about it and showing it off.  All.the.time.  And that negates the whole thing.  Because while preppy style can be aspirational but at the end of the day, you are or you aren’t.  There’s not some sort of fake-it-’til-you-make-it sort of switch.  You either had the “You force us to wear that shit when we were little and we hated it!” moment or you didn’t.  End of story.  Honest to God, there is no faster way to make me madder than a hornet than to toss me into the middle of a bunch of wannabe-preps or a pile of new money.  I’d rather lock myself in my apartment for a week and live off of Lean Cuisines…you know, THE KIND WITH THE WEIRD MEAT-BITS.

Fad Diets…I really don’t hate them that much, but I hate the fact that  I know someone who has tried literally, every single one including the Paleo Diet where all you eat are like, nuts and berries and shit like that, and that new one (I don’t even think it has a name yet but I’ve read about it before) where you eat two hard-boiled eggs for breakfast every morning.  Like, what?  I die.

ThOsE pEoPle WhO lIkE tO tYpE lIkE tHiS dEsPiTe ThE fAcT tHaT tHeY’vE bEeN tO cOlLeEgE…I mean really, that shit belongs on MySpace and MySpace alone.  These people are also apt to photoshop the pants off of their pictures and accumulate FAR MORE “inspirational quotes” than should be legal.  Seriously, get a grip on yourselves.